I’m having a hard time adjusting to being in my 60s. I know I have less energy, and certainly less motivation in many ways. I could never sustain the level of involvement I once had in church, church activities, church committees, Sunday school. It’s all I can do at times to just to show up.
I have a hard time realizing that if I live a normal life span, I may not have more than 10 years left on the planet. How did this life go so fast? And how do I have so little to show for it?
“Teach me to number my days that I may apply my heart to wisdom.” the Psalmist wrote.
I fritter away time. Oh, maybe it’s not so much wasting time as not knowing how best to use what time I have. I look at Facebook and wish I could read all the informative articles on so many subjects that show up each day.
What have I accomplished in these past 65, 66 years? What of value? So much that I once thought was important I now see I did with so much pride, with so little humility. Now focusing on Lent and the coming Passion of Our Lord, I realize the all-important thing is knowing Him, seeking His face. Sure, we have to make a living, we have to make plans in our lives, we need careers, vocations, work to keep food on the table and roofs over our heads. But in doing these things, is Christ preeminent in my life?
If Christ is preeminent, what kind of fruit will be forthcoming, what kind of works? I worry that I have failed so far in being the kind of person that Christ called the sheep, as opposed to being a goat. When have I fed Christ, or given him to drink, or visited him in prison, or, or, or? And I can’t just do these things to gain points with God and earn my salvation. These actions have to be generated out of love and compassion and mercy that comes with being filled with the Holy Spirit. Have I sought opportunities to serve Christ by serving others? Of the givers and takers in the world I fear I am a taker. In the next decade, or whatever time I have left, I hope to grow more into a giver, one who is merciful, pure in heart, a peacemaker, etc.
Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy, Lord have mercy.